13 Things That Frighten Even the Bravest Clarinetist

To paraphrase Bette Davis, “playing clarinet ain’t no place for sissies!” The mental fortitude and nerves of steel required for a career as a musician vanquish many a hopeful clarinetist. However, there are some things that terrify even the bravest of clarinetists:

1. chipped reeds
2. transposition
3. altissimo register on the E-flat clarinet
4. bass clef
5. cracks in your clarinet
6. playing reeds after extreme environmental changes
7. Nielsen, Francaix, and/or Corigliano concertos
8. Peter and the Wolf, Ginastera, Bartered Bride, Daphnis, Scherzo, etc
9. d# minor (or the dreaded key signature of your choice)
10. quick clarinet changes in orchestra
11. unexpected appearances of C clarinet in orchestral music with no advance warning
12. moldy reeds
13. alto clarinet (can be substituted for your least favourite auxiliary instrument of choice)

Disclaimer: This is intended to be light-hearted humour, so please don’t take any of these too seriously. I salute all the brave clarinetists out there who deal with all of these (and more) on a regular basis!